Sr. Sarah Rose
He washed my feet.
My name is Sr. Sarah Rose and I think the first time I consciously thought about the real possibility of religious life was the spring semester of my sophomore year attending Franciscan University of Steubenville. I was able to go to Gaming, Austria that semester in the University’s study abroad program. During that time, I found myself being drawn more and more to Our Lord in the Eucharist and a friend and I decided to start making a holy hour everyday along with daily Mass. It was during one of these holy hours that the thought came to me, “Oh my gosh, I think I’m supposed to be a nun! Ahh!” I freaked out! I had always thought I would meet some great guy at school, get married, and have a dozen children. I decided to talk to someone about this and asked Sr. Della Marie (one of the T.O.R. sisters in Austria). When we chatted, I shared what was happening and she told me, “Just let the Lord pursue your heart.” I felt so much more at peace. She also assured me that I don’t need to worry about my vocation or feel like I need to “figure it out.”
During my junior year I went on a few retreats. One specifically stands out, a women’s retreat. We had a holy hour before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I really felt for the first time that I was actually open to being a sister. I told Jesus in my heart, “Lord, if You are calling me to this, I’m open to it.” After that, I felt such joy and peace flooding my insides that I couldn’t keep a smile off my face!
The summer after my junior year, I was painting a room in our house, and my mom asked me what I was going to do after graduating. “Oh man, here we go!” I thought. I told her I was thinking about religious life. She was excited (that was a relief!) and we looked up different communities nearby that I could visit. I visited a few and they were beautiful but not exactly what I was looking for. I knew there were the T.O.R. Sisters on campus at Franciscan so I looked up their website. When I pulled it up on the computer – I just started crying! I looked at everything I could find – their prayer life, ministries, formation process, work, and knew that I had to visit when I went back to school. I called the vocation director and went to their Vocation Discernment Retreat and Come and see – when I visited I found that I loved their rhythm of prayer, work, and ministry, but also felt an inner peace and the freedom that I could be myself here.
Over Christmas break, I was blessed to have an Ignatian 8 day silent retreat. I didn’t know if I would make it, not talking for 8 days, but I did. I was given Scripture passages to read and then imagine myself there in the scene. This way of prayer totally changed me – I always thought it was wrong to use your imagination in prayer! One of the passages was the washing of the feet of the Apostles. Jesus was going around, washing their feet and I was there thinking, “Oh no, my feet are so dirty! I don’t want Him to see them!” But then He knelt in front of me and looked into my eyes and I knew that He saw and knew my whole self, even the “dirty” parts and loved me. He asked me, “Will you let Me wash your feet?” But inside me, I felt Him saying: “Will you let Me provide for you? Will you let Me love you?” I gazed at Him and my “Yes!” came from the deepest part of my being. I always return to this as Jesus’ proposal to me.
Toward the end of my senior year at Franciscan, I still felt like I needed more time to pray and think about religious life. After graduating, I was blessed to work at a Special Education school in Arizona on the Navajo Indian Reservation for a year as a teacher. I had five young men in my classroom who were severely disabled. We had so much fun together! I learned a lot about motherhood by being a sort of “mother” to my students. During this time, a friend and coworker of mine was pregnant and she and her husband were such a beautiful witness to me of marriage. It was very special for me to be with her at that time, because I was able to see the goodness of married life and to see what I was giving up. I remember telling the Lord before she had her baby: “Lord, when I hold that baby, am I going to be able to give this up?” And when I held him in my arms, I was just in awe and felt in my heart – “This little boy is such a gift! Our lives our total gifts from God that we do nothing to earn!” In that moment, I felt that confirmation that I wanted to give my life back to Him, to be only His, if that was His call for my life.
I want to thank my parents, siblings, and friends for their inspiring love and support for me. Please keep me in your prayers! May God give you peace and joy!
