For the Families

a surge of the heart

When a woman discerns or enters religious life, her family members often have many very legitimate questions about her discernment. We understand that the journey is often an exciting and yet painful time for family members. We hope to give you some insight into these questions, joys, and struggles by sharing with you a slide show of our own sisters enjoying quality time with their families, a letter from our Reverend Mother, and honest articles written by sisters' family members. Our sisters have also written poems, songs and blog posts that depict relationships with their family members. If you have questions that are not addressed on this page please try our “Common Questions” page or feel free to contact us directly.

“In a spirit of gratitude and love...we remember our families in our prayers. We also have opportunities to write, call and visit them and we welcome one another’s families with warm hospitality.”

-Constitutions 75

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Dear Parents:

When I entered in 1995, my parents still had young children at home and lived on the West Coast, thousands of miles away from our monastery in Ohio. They were supportive of my vocation, but also experienced the distance, the sacrifice, and the giving up of me that my vocation required. Both of my parents had experience with religious life; my dad had siblings who were religious, and he himself spent over a decade in Jesuit formation. Two of my mom’s aunts, to whom she was very close, were religious sisters. However, it is different when it is your own daughter who is considering a religious vocation.

Even though your daughter is making the choice, and it may appear that she is the one making the sacrifice, it also impacts you, her siblings, and her friends. You become a partaker in it the sacrifice, willingly or not so willingly. This is real!

There are three pretty universal desires that Christian parents have for their children: that they live in God’s will, now and for eternity, that they are provided for, and that they are happy. I assure you that if your daughter is called, she will thrive, she will have joy, and your desires for her will be fulfilled. Scripture promises this: “And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life” (Mt. 19:29). Since you are giving up your daughter in a significant way, this promise is for you, if you do it for the sake of Jesus.

If your daughter enters, you will inherit many daughters, become a family of the community, and receive the best son-in-law! Be not afraid! There is a long discernment process after she enters. If this is truly God’s call for her, it will be manifested by her joy and perseverance.

May you have courage and know God’s presence with you as you journey with your daughter in her discernment process.

In Christ,

Mother Della Marie Doyle, T.O.R.

Recommended Websites:

Parents of Vocations - Parents of Vocations is both a network and resource for parents of sons and daughters with a religious vocation. The father of a religious sister created this website resource for parents and families of men and women who have entered religious life.

Recommended Videos:

Family: The Seedbed of Vocations

Supporting Vocations

Mom Panel

Family Members Reflect on Our Vocations

Her Name is Mary
Catholic parents, who name their first daughter Mary and who are regular church-goers, doing all they can to give their children a Catholic education, as well as taking advantage of all the experiential spiritual opportunities with them, should not be surprised or disappointed when their child feels called to a religious or priestly vocation. Larry and I can remember the day that Mary came to us to tell us the news that she wanted to enter the convent. Both of us took it way too calmly to satisfy our daughter, who was bubbling over with excitement, and who thought we… Read More
I Had to Let Go
When someone learns that our daughter is a Sister, he or she typically responds in one of two ways. Most people, especially other moms, relate to the difficulty of being separated from their daughter. They say something like, “Wow! That must be so hard. I don’t know if I could do that!” The second response, which I hear less often, goes something like this, “Wow! That must be such a blessing for your family!” To be honest, it is both of those: incredibly painful and difficult at times, but always, even in that loss, an indescribable blessing. And as such,… Read More
Not Part of our "Plan"
Our daughter, Emily – now Sr. Agnes Therese – was always a child in tune with the Lord and the spiritual life. From an early age she seemed more interested in God and building a relationship with Him than the average child. We baptized Emily and her sister on February 11, 1990 after converting to the Lutheran faith, and made an active practice of our faith an important part of family life. Following my wife Joy’s conversion to Catholicism, Emily seemed happy to attend both the Lutheran services and Catholic Mass, but soon entered into full communion in the Catholic Church herself… Read More
An Eternal Perspective
Photo Credit: Simple Heart Photography I don't really recall a particular moment when I realized that Anna (Sr. Anna Rose) was going to be a religious sister; it was more gradual. When she did enter, I do remember feeling at peace that she found her vocation, and then thinking, "Shouldn't I feel something really special because she's a religious sister?" Our middle daughter Melanie was married the same year that Anna entered, and I also felt at peace that she found her vocation - or rather, their vocations found them. As a father, I pray that my children will be happy,… Read More
What More Could I Ask For?
We were in college at Florida State University when my twin sister began to discern a vocation. At first, I was surprised but that quickly faded when I began to see her joy and excitement as she visited different religious orders. The biggest fear for me at that time was losing her. I knew once she made this commitment, she would be far away and I would only be able to see her a few weeks a year. Communication would be limited and I couldn’t just pick up the phone and call her whenever I wanted. She was my twin… Read More
NO! It's Not Fair!
I remember very clearly when my dear sister, Sr. Miriam, told me that she was thinking of joining the TOR Franciscan Sisters. It was on a summer’s day in New York. We were there on a vacation in the summer of 2006. We were sitting down outside of a coffee shop when she said, "I’m thinking of joining the TOR Sisters in Ohio". To say that I was stunned would be an understatement. I knew that my sister was quite a religious person- our faith was something that we both shared but I hadn’t had an inkling that she was… Read More
I Was not Surprised
Before joining the convent, my sister demonstrated a great faith both in her prayer life and works of faith. My sister was heavily involved at the campus center in college. Later in her post-college life, she donated a significant amount of time leading the Catholic youth group at our local parish. It was obvious that she enjoyed her faith and enjoyed sharing that faith with others. Even though she was the first in our extended family to enter religious life and was quite shocked when God pulled at her heart to enter religious life, I was not surprised when she… Read More

“To love you as I should, I must worship God as Creator. When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.” - C.S. Lewis

Blog Posts, Poems, and Songs

Love Lives by Sacrifice
Sr. Thérèse Marie shares her experience about having a twin sister and the complementarity of their vocations. Read More
Lessons on the vows from my 2 year old nephew
The most adorable, extroverted and winsome little two-year-old in Ireland just happens to be my nephew, Daniel. He lives in Dublin, Ireland with his mom and dad and in utero sibling. I went home to Dublin in July and had the privilege of spending a lot of time in Daniel’s company. Read More
First Responders
My alarm went off, and I awoke suddenly from my dream. I sleepily turned to look at the alarm on m desk, and the red numbers 12:45 stared back at me. Yep, it was 12:45..A.M. My first thought was: “I bet Alex is getting up about now, too.” Read More
Hundredfold
This song came from a conversation I had with the Lord on the feast of St. Francis. It can be hard sometimes to understand why the Lord asks us and those we love to make sacrifices, why the cross is always so prominent in the Christian life. As I was praying about the sacrifice my family has been asked to make in accepting my vocation, this song came to me. Read More
Loving My Hundredfold: Lessons from My Mom
My Mom has taught me more than anyone about spiritual motherhood. She is a woman who has really given her life to the Lord. She (and my Dad) taught me that God is the most important person in our lives and relationship with Him is the one thing necessary. So I was genuinely surprised when I told her I was discerning religious life and she was less than happy. Read More
Interesting Airport Encounter
About eleven weeks ago, I got a call to say that my Dad was on the brink of death. While not unexpected, this was still shocking news and I rushed to Vienna airport in Austria where I was based at the time, wondering if I would see him alive again. Read More
Advent: Season of the Seed
Advent is a season of reflecting on Christ growing in the womb of Mary. It is a time of great anticipation and active waiting, waiting to meet her Son. It is a season that I will never experience in the same way again. Read More
Feeding My Spiritual Children
I sat in a quaint Portuguese coffee shop across the table from my sister Emily, who was holding my seven-week-old little nephew James in her arms. In the background, one of our favorite artists began to play on the radio, and through the glass door I had a stunning view of the bright red autumn leaves blowing on the trees and the large brick clock tower in the old part of town. Read More
Notes from the Field: Family
I’ve always known that the sacrifice we make as religious in not having families “of our own” is not merely a privation, nor only a way to put God at the absolute center of our lives. With all the distortions and failures in celibacy we see in the news, it may be hard to believe, but a life of celibacy “for the kingdom” is actually intended to open our hearts up and make room in them for a chaste and selfless love for the ever-growing family God entrusts to each of us. Read More