Today is my Baptism birthday. It is also the memorial of Our Lady of Lourdes, the feast of healing water. And today I renewed my consecration to Jesus through Mary, having undergone thirty-three days of preparation. It’s a big day.
However, last night as I prepared for this morning’s confession, I felt vaguely uneasy. How have I been changed by this time of preparation? My sins are ever before me! I was sick with sorrow, considering my sins and sin-full-ness: the judgmental thoughts, self-indulgent speech, mediocrity in living our penitential life… Holding this up against the amazing love of Jesus, who though he was God humbled himself to live as a man subject to men and die the shameful death of a criminal, I was appalled. Here, God has given me everything and daily and hourly gives me Himself, and I can’t even manage to be generous with my sisters, to keep my thoughts in check, to remember His love through the day.
A little later, I sat in bed getting ready to sleep, knowing God’s steadfast love for me regardless of my general shabbiness but still feeling a little glum, I looked over the prayers and readings for today’s Mass for Our Lady of Lourdes. The opening prayer for Mass took my breath away: “Grant us, O merciful God, protection in our weakness, that we, who keep the Memorial of the Immaculate Mother of God, may, with the help of her intercession, rise up from our iniquities...” I actually laughed out loud – the Church doesn’t have us pray to continue in our strength, but for “protection in our weakness.” And she assumes we have iniquities from which we would like to rise but can’t without help.
Marian consecration is, in St. Louis de Montfort’s theology, a renewal of the promises of our Baptism, promises which none of us have kept. As such, it is always performed in weakness, admitting our need for help as we attempt to renounce sin and follow the Lamb wherever He goes. Marian consecration is not, then, an indication of how holy and perfect I am, but rather of my dire need for help if I am to welcome Jesus into my life here and now and greet Him joyfully at the end of my earthly pilgrimage. Every Sunday evening, the Church prays with joyful anticipation the canticle from Revelation 19, which cries out, “Alleluia! The wedding feast of the Lamb has begun, and his bride is prepared to welcome Him!” The Lamb, of course, is Jesus; we, the Church are his bride. We have a tendency to think that we prepare ourselves to welcome Jesus into our lives by being better than we are, less creaturely and imperfect.
I don’t think that’s true.
I think we prepare to welcome the Bridegroom into our hearts, lives, and world, by asking for help. Baptism is the first occasion when we do this. The Catechism says “it is so to speak the nuptial bath which precedes the wedding feast, the Eucharist” (1617). We need to be cleansed of the stain of original sin, to be washed in the Blood of the Lamb, before we can receive the Blood of Jesus in the Eucharist. But we’re never done being in need! Every member of the Church, not just the big sinners (whoever you may think they are!), prays today for “protection in our weakness” so we can “rise up from our iniquities”.
That’s why, or so it seems, Mary chose to appear to St. Bernadette when she decided to visit Lourdes. Bernadette is an image of poverty: young, a girl, sickly, totally impoverished, uneducated, and with a quick temper it seems she never quite conquered. Our need is not repulsive to God: it is encouraging.
I leave you with part of a poem I often use in prayer. It is called “Creature of God” and is written by Jessica Powers, a Carmelite nun of the last century:
God likes me covered with my creaturehood
and with my limits spread across His face.
He likes to see me lifting to His eyes
even the wretchedness that dropped His grace.
I make no guess what greatness took me in,
I only know, and relish it as good,
that I am gathered more to God’s embrace
the more I greet Him through my creaturehood.
Let us greet Him through our creaturehood today, with the courage of well-beloved children. St. Bernadette, Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us!
Sr. Agnes Thérèse Davis, T.O.R.
